Women Over 50 Thrive!

Forgive – Forget? 8 Healing Strategies

Forgive – Forget? I know from experience it is not easy to let go of an incident that has caused you pain. Forgiving the person that caused the pain is a challenge for sure, but so important to thriving as a woman over 50! It is a gift you give yourself!

In many cases, the other person might not even care if you forgive them. You forgive others because the evidence is in. It is healthy, you feel better all around, you take back your power and enjoy your life again. It is definitely the best thing you can do for yourself. If the other person benefits, even better.

You Can Do This! – Consider These Healing Strategies

1. Understand what forgiveness really means. Some people erroneously believe that forgiveness means giving the other person a chance to hurt you again. This isn’t necessarily so. You can forgive someone and make the decision to never speak to them again. Forgiveness simply means that you’re not going to dwell on the situation anymore. You’ve decided to not feel bad about it anymore. You’re moving on with your life and letting go of the past.

2. Accept that the past can never be changed. There’s no time machine to undo what has been done. There’s nothing the other person can say that will completely erase what happened. The only way you’ll be okay is to forgive.

3. What do you believe you’re gaining from not forgiving? Are you punishing the other person? Do you believe that your anger is the proper response, so you’re simply going to maintain it? What do you gain from holding on to your pain?
Some people refuse to forgive someone that they never even see anymore. Your hurt and anger have absolutely no impact on someone in this situation. They’ve moved on with their lives, and you’re only punishing yourself.

Spend a Little PRODUCTIVE Time with Your Pain

4. Acknowledge your pain. You can’t release pain that you’re not willing to acknowledge. Sit with your pain and avoid judging it. Just feel it and notice its qualities. Where do you feel it in your body? How would you describe it? Acknowledge and evaluate your pain honestly.

5. Understand the cost of not forgiving. What is it costing you to maintain your feelings of resentment? Is it preventing you from enjoying your life? Are you unable to have another relationship? Is it keeping you up at night? Do you feel angry all day? Withholding forgiveness isn’t free. It costs you in some way.

6. List the benefits of forgiving. Obviously, all of the costs of not forgiving are erased, but there’s more. There’s peace and freedom. There’s the knowledge that you have control over your emotions. You know that you have choices to change how you feel. Consequently, what can you do for yourself that’s more beneficial than forgiveness? Here is another article I wrote on forgiveness: http://womenover50thrive.com/examples-of-forgiveness-in-the-bible

You May Never Forget – Forgiving Is Key to a Healthy You

7. Forgive. Make the decision to let it go. Avoid thinking about the matter anymore. When your thoughts drift back to that situation, gently direct them to something else. Make a list of things that bring you happiness and keep it nearby.

8. Learn. What lesson can you take away from the situation? It might be obvious, like “Don’t get involved with someone that has a drug addiction,” or “Never loan money to a friend.” Maybe it’s something subtler. Where there’s pain, there’s usually a lesson to be learned.

In closing ladies, make the decision to forgive and move on. The pain you’re causing yourself isn’t worth holding onto your angst. Evaluate your resistance to forgiveness by listing the costs of maintaining that position, and then list the benefits of letting go. Let go of your pain, you have everything to gain! Forgive those who have hurt you, forgive yourself if you have caused pain and…..

Thrive! OK?

forgive forget

Image courtesy of: Chronic Joy Ministry

Image courtesy of: symphony of love

Photo By symphony of love

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Age Discrimination and Figuring Out Retirement!

Well, I’ve been retired now for nearly 2 years and still haven’t figured things out. I want to make more than my pension pays, because I like scratch tickets and want to travel! It has been an interesting journey so far….. driving for Lyft and Uber, working at the convenience store down the street, working on my website. I am currently working with family services and working in the wee hours of the morning at Hannaford’s stocking shelves (for $ and exercise). 

One thing I found during the process is the age discrimination. Most businesses state they do not discriminate, but please. I am so qualified for the positions I apply to, there could be no other reason. To not even get an interview is beyond belief in a lot of cases. I recently applied to a well-known drug store chain, and they actually asked on the application, “Are you over 40?” I was SO qualified… no interview.

“Older workers want to work, they’re ready to work and they need to work,” said Susan Weinstock, AARP’s vice president of financial resilience. “They should have the opportunity to be judged on their merits, rather than their age.”

But the survey results strongly suggest older job applicants routinely are denied that opportunity. Since turning 40, a striking 30 percent of respondents experienced at least one of these six actions and 17 percent experienced two or more: not getting hired for a job they applied for because of their age; heard negative remarks related to their older age from a colleague; passed up for a chance to get ahead because of their age; heard negative remarks related to their older age from a supervisor; were laid off, fired or forced out of job because of their age or were denied access to training or professional development opportunities because of their age.

Among respondents who’ve applied for a new position in the past two years, 44 percent said they were asked for age-related information such as birth dates and graduation years. Such information is often used to discriminate against older applicants and requests for it discourage many older workers from applying, according to AARP.

I’m sure many of you have faced one or more of these scenarios. If I really, really wanted a particular job, I feel I would take it to the next level if I felt age discrimination was present. I came close with the drugstore application because not being given an interview was an insult at best.

What are your experiences? I hope you’ll share them, tell us what you’ve learned and…..

Thrive! OK?

Photo #1 By The U.S. National Archives


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Your Parents’ Stuff – And What About Your Own?

Oh my! How we accumulate “stuff” throughout the years! What with the popularity of Hoarders and assessing our own “stuff-we-may-need” reserve, we can see it takes an aggressive approach to whittle down. Minimalist living is on the rise, and I am a fan. However, if you visited my home you would see a plethora of in-my-eyes-only treasures, and what-the-heck-are-you-thinking doohickies all around.

I had to fly to Florida to clean out my parents’ house when my mom moved back up here after being diagnosed with dementia. My folks weren’t hoarders, but there was still quite a bit of stuff to go through. I was thankful for their efforts to get rid of the unnecessary things and I want to do the same for my children. If you ever find yourself in this position, it’s hard work.

It seems no one wants old stuff anymore. Stuff that at one time meant something to your folks. You really have to harden your heart to throw things away that you know would be of no value to anyone else. I just had to do this within the last two months with my partner’s parents. They had very nice things, but after the estate sale… much of it remained. It wasn’t junk either.

“At least a half dozen times a year, families come to me and say: ‘What do we do with all this stuff?’” says financial adviser Holly Kylen of Kylen Financials in Lititz, Pa. The answer: lots of luck. Dining room tables and chairs, end tables and armoires (“brown” pieces) have become furniture non grata. Antiques are antiquated. “Old mahogany stuff from my great aunt’s house is basically worthless,” says Chris Fultz, co-owner of Nova Liquidation, in Luray, Va.

On PBS’s Antiques Roadshow, prices for certain types of period furniture have dropped so much that some episode reruns note current, lower estimated appraisals. And if you’re thinking your grown children will gladly accept your parents’ items, if only for sentimental reasons, you’re likely in for an unpleasant surprise.

“Young couples starting out don’t want the same things people used to have,” says Susan Devaney, president of NASMM and owner of The Mavins Group, a senior move manager in Westfield, N.J. “They’re not picking out formal china patterns anymore. I have three sons. They don’t want anything of mine. I totally get it.”

As luck would have it, I helped a friend of my pack and she had another friend helping also. That friend worked at a place called Household Goods, a non-profit run by an 80-year couple (who started it in their 40’s). They have grown to a massive warehouse now, where they allow those needing to set up house to come and shop for free! I took this info and ended up donating beautiful dishes, pots and pans, furniture etc., knowing that they were going to families in need. Finding a place like this is my #1 recommendation for situations like this, or to downsize your own home. A partner to this recommendation is “Don’t wait until you have to rush!” Bless people with things your not using and you will double your joy! There are many organizations who will gladly accept your treasures and doohickies. So give, donate and…..

Thrive! OK?


Image#1 courtesy of: zolakoma

Image#2 courtesy of: carolineyi

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My Mom Had Dementia – Will I?

We can’t help but ask ourselves this question. It’s part of our journey to analyze the way our parents brought us up (or left us) and the impact of genetics on our lives. My mom died in 2014. She was diagnosed with dementia, a mild case of Alzheimer’s and used an inhaler when her smoke-filled lungs wouldn’t let her cross the room. I miss her so much. I’ve apologized for so many things since she’s left, and have cried many a time when I couldn’t pick up the phone to hear her voice.

I certainly wondered if dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease were hereditary. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, most experts believe that the majority of Alzheimer’s disease occurs as a result of complex interactions among genes and other risk factors. Age, family history and heredity are all risk factors we can’t change. But please ladies, remain hopeful!

Research is beginning to reveal clues about other risk factors we may be able to influence through general lifestyle and wellness choices and effective management of other health conditions. This short video will give you a free, 3-minute exercise to dramatically lower your risk. He’s not an actor so be patient OK?

Some of the strongest evidence links brain health to heart health. This connection makes sense, because the brain is nourished by one of the body’s richest networks of blood vessels, and the heart is responsible for pumping blood through these blood vessels to the brain. Conditions that damage the heart and blood vessels, including heart disease, diabetes, stroke, high blood pressure and high cholesterol are high risk factors for Alzheimer’s and dementia.

There are wellness choices you can make to influence the genetic, family history and age risk factors. Please read my article Exercise Your Mental Health for wellness choices and…

Thrive! OK?


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Garden with Your Grandchildren – Plant Seeds for a Lifetime

plant seeds Children love to garden; so plant seeds ladies! Letting them get involved is fun for everybody – not to mention educational. There are many flowers and vegetables which will intrigue little gardeners. Miniature garden tools are also available which makes it so much fun for them!

I realize it’s a little bit late to plant some things, but there are still gardening activities left to be done. This post was meant for those of you who love to garden and would find joy in sharing that with your grandchildren. They love to play in the dirt, watch bugs, look at pretty flowers… and spend time with grandma. You can teach along the way, and build memories that will last a lifetime!

Believe it or not, there are many plants that teach children about the five senses. For instance, sunflowers come in a variety of colors and sizes, and are a great way to introduce the difference between orange, yellow, red and white. Mint and dill are both very fragrant and simple to grow. Kids will be surprised to learn that mint is available in many unique fragrances such as chocolate, pineapple and lemon! Dill smells like pickles and has feathery foliage, which is fun to touch.

Plant Seeds for a Lifetime

What child isn’t intrigued by a pumpkin? Allowing them to grow their own will make their Halloween jack-o’-lantern all the more special. Purchase seed varieties that produce white pumpkins or miniature pumpkins for a bigger surprise at harvest time. Gourds are interesting too! So many colors and sizes…..plant seeds

Bunny tails are a fluffy choice that kids will find interesting. It’s actually ornamental grass that produces “powder puff-like” flowers. Maybe you could incorporate a trip to the pet store to look at real bunny tails first. Doing a craft is fun too. Maybe a bunny mosiac for the garden or a stepping stone with your grandchild’s name. So plant seeds, make memories they will always have… bring joy to your heart and…

Thrive! OK?

Image 1 courtesy of: Puzzler4879

Image 2 courtesy of: FarOutFlora

Photo By Puzzler4879

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How to Attract Birds to Your Bird Feeder

how to attract birds to your bird feeder

If you’re wondering how to attract birds to your bird feeder, then chances are you already enjoy watching birds. There’s nothing like watching different species of birds enjoying the feast you laid out or splashing in the bath you’ve provided. Here are a few suggestions for increasing the variety and number of birds who visit. Positioning is important. The best place to position a bird feeder is in a spot that simulates the bird’s natural feeding habitat. For example, if you’re trying to attract woodpeckers, place feeders near tree trunks. Hummingbirds like the color red and tubular flowers; so if you place a red bird feeder near some tubular flowers, chances are very good you will see some fascinating hummingbirds! The hummingbirds that come to my garden love catmint!

I know this is obvious, but birds won’t visit your feeder unless they can see it. Keep it high enough to avoid mishaps with cats and other predators, but low enough that you won’t need a ladder to fill them. Unless, of course, you like climbing ladders.  Also, avoid placing the feeders near any area where you use chemicals. Birds eat seeds that fall to the ground. You don’t want to serve them contaminated feed. Keeping your feeders full will result in attracting more birds. Many people plant colorful flowers around their bird feeders. This attracts birds to the area, as do bird baths and perches. Making sure you keep the feeders, houses, baths etc. clean is a big plus. Doing these simple things is a great start to seasons of entertainment. The best part about them coming by your feeders, is the joy that it brings to you. So set out some feeders, a birdbath or two and…

Thrive! OK?

1st image courtesy of: skolmykov

2nd image courtesy of: Philippe Vieux-Jeanton 

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Best Places to Retire in the US

Hi Ladies! Have you wondered where the best places to retire in the US are? Some of us have choices of destination and others feel destined to a place they don’t want to be.  I hope if it’s the latter, you will fight to find a place of contentment and joy wherever you are. It seems there are many (as my son would put it) grumpy old people. Don’t be grumpy ladies. You’ve got to make up your mind to Thrive, OK? If you find yourself in a position to be flexible, here are top 5 states to retire.

Bankrate.com came out with a survey to determine the best places to retire. The winner? South Dakota! The loser? New York!

Best Places to Retire in the US

“With 10,000 people turning 65 each day, Bankrate.com based its ranking on seven categories that would impact a retiree’s decision to move (weighting in parentheses): cost of living (20%), taxes (20%), health care quality (15%), weather (15%), crime (10%), cultural vitality (10%) and well-being (10%).”

South Dakota came in as the best state for retirees, beating out Utah (2), Idaho (3), New Hampshire (4) and Florida (5).

“No one would think of South Dakota as a winner to retire. But if you look into it, you see how people there have very good social relationships, and feel a sense of purpose with the community,” said Bankrate.com analyst Taylor Tepper in an interview with Yahoo Finance.


“Residents also pay no personal income tax, and the median rent for a 1-bedroom apartment is $565! They savor their day-to-day lives, feel financially secure and have a strong sense of community,” said Tepper. “Residents in the other top states feel similarly. These attributes may better determine what makes for a satisfying retirement than, say, warm weather.” Maybe you could build a tiny house in one of the top states. This is a cool video of a retiring single mom who built one.

New York came in as the worst state to retire in, with New Mexico and Maryland tying for 2nd. Florida didn’t fare to well either because of the crime rate and a subpar rating for healthcare.

No matter where you go, make sure you remember The 10 Keys to Healthy Aging and…

Thrive! OK?  



1st Photo By vaughandave

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You Won’t Regret Investing in a Reclining Massage Chair!

reclining massage chair

Hi Ladies! This is a picture of my reclining massage chair. I got it back in 2004 as a result of looking for a black leather chair to complete my living room decor. I saw an ad for a black leather massage chair and thought I’d at least take a look. It cost $800 (the chiropractic office would not negotiate). Here it is 2018 and I must say, “One of the best investments I’ve ever made!” I’ll be 62 in August, and find myself making a 15-minute visit to the chair a part of my early morning routine… I already use it when I have sore muscles, stress, back or neck pain etc.

There are so many benefits to owning a massage chair, especially at this time of our lives. To get the most benefit from massage, you should do it frequently. According to licensed massage therapist Jane Smith, people who have regular massages enjoy a wide variety of tangible health benefits. Continue reading…

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Tips on a Good Night’s Sleep

Tips on a Good Night’s Sleep

tips on a good night's sleepPlease give me some tips on a good night’s sleep! Sleeping during menopause? No pun intended, but IT’S A DREAM! Getting a good night’s sleep can be refreshing and rejuvenating. I remember that feeling and would like it back. I know I’m not alone. People of all ages across the globe suffer from occasional to chronic insomnia.

6 Natural Ways to Improve Your Sleep

Insomnia is a condition that interrupts your ability to fall asleep or stay asleep. If you are suffering from insomnia, you may be desperate enough to turn to harsh medications. Sleep deprivation can make you do crazy things. So, before you become QVC’s favorite shopper, take a look at these 6 ways to help improve your sleep naturally.


tips on a good night's sleepYou cannot afford another night of losing sleep because you hate your bed. I have a friend who has been complaining for years about how she got rid of her waterbed and hasn’t slept the same since. There really is no excuse to being uncomfortable in your bed. Sleep is WAY too important, especially at our age. We should be spending at least 1/3 of our day in bed. We should be waking up refreshed and rejuvenated and ready to meet the day with spirits high! Let’s make getting to the bottom of sleeplessness a priority. I’m giving you a link to DreamCloud, a SLEEP mattress with the highest reviews. It has a 365-day return policy, and free shipping back! Testing a bed for 5 minutes in a store is not enough to know if it is the right bed. If you know your bed is the reason you wake up too early, too tired, too achy…take a look at the DreamCloud Luxury Hybrid Mattress.


Eliminate Caffeine

tips on a good night's sleepThe morning cup of coffee seems to be a staple beverage for many people. However, caffeine is not just in coffee. Caffeine can be hiding in the cola you drink, the tea, and even some of the foods you eat. While eliminating caffeine out of your diet 100% may not be possible, try to limit your consumption of caffeine to the mornings only. Prevention Magazine tells us that ingesting caffeine, even 6 hours before bedtime, can disrupt sleep.


Not only does exercise help you maintain a healthy body weight and better mental outlook, but a Sleep Foundation study found that those who exercised were less sleepy during the day and slept better at night.

While a new exercise routine may leave you a little tired at first, regular exercise will give you more energy and help you fall asleep at bedtime. This may have to do with the chemicals released by the body when you exercise. The neurotransmitters released by the brain during exercise have all sorts of beneficial properties and improved sleep is one of them.


Meditation has a restorative effect on the brain. There are all sorts of benefits that meditation can have for a person. Many of the benefits of meditation include reduced stress and a better ability to cope with difficult issues in one’s life.

tips on a good night's sleepMeditation is also great for insomnia. A Harvard study found that mindful meditation helped combat insomnia. It invokes a relaxation response in those who participate helping them relax enough to fall asleep quickly and stay asleep through the night. If you are not familiar with how to meditate there are many guided meditation audio programs that you can buy or check out from your library. Many (including myself) have had success with Wholetones 2 SLEEP. Read about it at this link and see if it is a fit for you.

Sleep Hygiene

Sleep hygiene is a practice to help you sleep better at night. It has to do with environmental cues. Alaska Sleep notes that these environmental cues should be taken into consideration if you aren’t sleeping.

  • Use the bedroom for sex and sleep only
  • No electronics
  • Keep the room dark and quiet
  • Keep your room cool
  • Have a good mattress
  • Set your alarm clock away from your bed

Get Up at the Same Time Every Morning

tips on a good night's sleepGetting up at the same time every day and avoiding naps helps your body follow a circadian rhythm. According to Verywell we need this to sleep well at night.  There are two really important elements to this step.

  1. Stop hitting the snooze and train yourself to get up at the same time every day. If you hit the snooze button once or twice (or 6 times), you are not really training yourself to get up at the same time every day. If you know you do not need to get up until 7:30, stop setting your alarm for 7. Save yourself the 30 minutes of interrupted sleep and set the alarm for 7:30, get up the first time it rings.
  2. NO NAPS. If you are not used to getting up in the morning, then this may be the hard part for you. Napping can throw you off for sleeping at night because you simply are not tired enough to get to bed on time. Skip the nap (and the caffeine), and stay up so that you can get a good night’s sleep.

Now you have an arsenal of information that should help you fall asleep faster at night. Remember, finding what works well for you may take some playing around. So, if you don’t get it right the first night or two don’t give up.

These sleep strategies are proven to work. They just take time, usually 2-3 weeks. So ladies, give these tips on a good night’s sleep a try, sleep soundly and…

Thrive! OK?

tips on a good night's sleep


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Spiritual Healing Music – Wholetones Healing Music

spiritual healing musicSpiritual Healing Music

The power of spiritual healing music cannot be denied. From the time we were in our mother’s womb, music has had an impact on our lives. According to Livestrong.com, a baby begins to hear sounds in the mother’s womb at 16-17 weeks. At 26 weeks, its heartbeat speeds up upon hearing sounds; and at 33 weeks, babies in the womb have been shown breathing in beat to the music. There haven’t been enough studies to affirm the positive effects of music in the womb; but it is safe to say that hanging out with your baby, listening to tunes is just as beneficial as doing it after birth.

In contrast, the power of spiritual healing music CAN be affirmed. “The highest goal of music is to connect one’s soul to their Divine Nature, not entertainment.” -Pythagoras (569-475 BC) There are times in our lives when we need a spiritual connection…something or someone that can touch us deep in our soul. We all long for this, at some times more than others. If you take a moment, I’m sure you can think of a time when a certain song touched you deeply …deep enough to bring you to tears. Likewise, has a certain song brought you to uncontrollable laughter. Chicken Dance anyone? Continue reading…

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